As a friend, as a known enemy.

Friendship is one of the natural bonds in which we form with people we like. We often spend a lot of time with these people and they may become very influential towards us or even act as our role models. Currently I would say that I’m surrounded by the best group of friends that I’ve ever had; after ditching the deadwood. I think that we choose our friends through the sharing of common interests, the empathy they provide and In general, people who give us a good feeling in our stomachs. The friends in which we associate ourselves with are the ones who provide a safe haven for us, they are the people whom we can rely on to put a smile across our face and comfort us in times of stress and pain.  I’ve found myself struggling to trust females all through my life apart from my mum. I have always been friends with girls but constantly felt myself drifting towards the friendship of males as I seem to get on better with them.

As a pre-teen when I used to be ‘closer’ with girls than boys, I found myself feeling insecure and just generally awful about who I was. A former friend would constantly point things out about my appearance and that degraded my self -image which ultimately left me with hardly any confidence. I realised that this wasn’t what I wanted for myself and predetermined that I would make some changes to who I classed as a friend once I’d moved high schools.Nowadays I have gladly limited myself to a few girl friends, one of which was the best natural bond that I’ve ever formed. I have become extremely close with her. She has and continues to provide me with complete happiness, she never brings anything to me other than positivity and laughter. Ultimately, this has helped to restore my faith in the sense that not all girls are toxic.

Despite this, I still come across girls who I once looked at as acquaintances to suddenly start dispensing toxicity into my life as if they were laying eggs. I have choices in whether I wait for the eggs to hatch into something nasty or If I cut them out of my life completely in order to prevent extreme antagonism.  I know that sometimes things in life can go very wrong, you find yourself in a land of dismay and often feel as if you are a character in a dystopian novel. However,  I also know (and to use a quotation from ‘The Fault in Our Stars’)- ” In the darkest of days, the lord puts the best people in to your life.” I couldn’t agree with this more as I’m lucky enough to constantly have the best people in my life and I’m so grateful for their affection.

I couldn’t publish this post without somehow linking it to Kurt Cobain. Kurt has also acted as a spokesman for me when it came to who I trusted after I pondered over the sentence “As a friend, as a known enemy” which was featured in Nirvana’s “Come as you are”. The lyric justifies the idea that sometimes people who we allow to be our friends are in fact just enemies that we know. As obvious as that sounds, there is a lot of meaning behind it- I think it infers that some people just pretend to be our friends in order to f*ck us over and expose us to satisfy their own insecurities. Don’t be that person. Take a moment to sift through the ones who you class as friends. Make sure that they are genuine and only have good intentions towards you. Ensure that they are fair, kind and trustworthy- this way you will never find yourself feeling betrayed or hurt by the venom which lies inside of some people.

 

Thanks for reading, credits to my mum for helping me with the idea for this post.

 

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